Monday, February 12, 2018

My name is Karalee and I am Playful


Playful 

I am embracing my inner child today.  I am playful. 

I attended a conference this weekend with my three amazing sisters.  One of the activities we participated in was choosing three words we want to become or create in ourselves.  As part of the experience, we went around the room and introduced ourselves to others.  So when I went to shake someone's hand I said, "My name is Karalee and I am safe, calm and playful".

As I repeated this exercise and continued throughout the day repeating my "I am" statements, I started to believe what I was saying. I started acting playful and then became playful in my actions.  I learned so much about myself and the power of my personal self talk. 

I also realized, after some mentoring from one of my sisters, that play doesn't have to be structured and organized.  It can be as simple as putting a section of an orange in my mouth, taking a picture and posting it on social media. 

Here's my top five favorite ways to play:
  1.  Dancing and singing in the car... I love to turn up a fun song, sing and chair dance while driving down the street.  I have received some funny looks, had a few teenagers recording me (I always pose for the camera and smile) and always feel increased energy.  
  2.  Taking Selfies... I love to take a selfie and then add decorations to the picture and send it to my family or post on facebook.
  3. Send Emoji texts.... I love to send emoji's to my friends and family when I am texting them.  The emoji's make me laugh. 
  4. Play imagination with a child.... Explore life from a child's point of view.  Get down and play with the Barbie's. 
  5. LOL - Laugh Out Loud...  This is my favorite.  Laughter can change me from grumpy to semi grumpy to happy. 
 Have a playful day! 
Love, Karalee 

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Just singing and playing...together!



PLAY

My self care challenge this week is to play everyday for seven days.  As you can see from the pictures above I am good at play.  I could turn an ordinary stroll down a street into fun.  I lived in the moment that day.  I felt alive.  I had a song to sing and a dance to dance.  I let the world see me. 

I married the master of play and fun.  Brett was the life of the party.  Brett told jokes that weren't funny but everyone laughed.  Brett's laugh was contagious and his songs would get stuck in your head.  I can still hear him singing, "Fried Eggs...."

I saw a movie tonight titled, "The Greatest Showman".  It's a great movie and the songs are infectious and you want to stand up and dance. There is a song called "This is me" that the cast of misfits sing. The words they sing are powerful and moving.  

"I am brave, I am bruised
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me.
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me"


This past year has been very hard on me and my heart. Today, the wave of grief hit me like a tsunami.  I am holding tightly to a tree and fighting to hold on as the waves swirl around me.  As I hear these lyrics in my head, "I am brave, I am bruised.  I am who I'm meant to be, this is me".  I am choosing to grab hold to my Faith in Heavenly Father's plan and remember that I am His daughter.  Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and play again.  He wants me to be seen and show others where true happiness comes from.

So here I come with my bumps and bruises because I am not scared to be seen. I might be drumming to my own beat and singing my song but I make no apologies, This is ME!

I always wanted to play the DRUMS.....

Love, Karalee 






 


Monday, January 29, 2018

My Journey with Self Care 2018

January 29, 2018

My first week goal was to improve my self care in regards to my health.  I challenged myself to drink 100 oz. of water, eat a fruit and vegetable and walk for ten minutes every day for seven days.  I wasn't perfect but was able to improve my awareness of my health.  I have had some emotions bubble up to the surface as I have tried to implement new changes into my routine.  

I learned at a conference recently that our spirit will not let go of the negative energy/emotions from our past until we acknowledge the growth and learning from the struggle.  We must see the benefits from the bad and hard things we have went through in our life.  

We must accept the growth to move forward.  It was suggested that we make a list of gains/benefits from the experience to see the value.  The value is not in arriving at the end of the struggle but in the journey of growth we had while in the midst of storm.  

I am starting my list because I want to release the extra weight on my body.  I know that just writing the list won't magically cause the weight to disappear.  I believe that as I find the gratitude, growth and embrace the struggle I will find answers on what step to take next.  

Love, Karalee 
 

Monday, January 22, 2018

Peace and Preparation

Peace and Preparation


It's almost been a year since my life took a different course than the one I had planned on.  My eternal sweetheart was called home and moved through the veil to return to his Heavenly Father, Jesus and many loved ones that were there to greet him.  I am grateful that Heavenly Father through the Holy Ghost had prepared me for this moment not only in the weeks before Brett passed away but several years before. 

I had always told Brett that if he died first, I would be admitted to the psychiatric ward because I wouldn't be able to function without him.  In 2014 at Christmas time, I had a nervous breakdown and was put into the psychiatric ward for 72 hours as a protection to myself.  After 2 days of isolation because I had the flu, I choose to go back to the psychiatric floor so I could get treatment to help me manage my mental illness.  I spent nine days including Christmas in the hospital with little contact from Brett because of circumstances beyond his control.  

As I had time to reflect in the hospital I learned some valuable lessons.  I had a new perspective of what my mom went through when she had to spend time in the psychiatric ward when I was growing up.  I could feel her around me and helping me through this frightening experience.  I had to face my fear that Brett might not be able to handle my diagnosis and could choose to walk away.  I had to take ownership for the things I didn't do to take care of myself, for those that I hurt and for whatever happened when I returned home.  I had to accept that others would set up boundaries to protect themselves and their families.

I learned that I could be alone. I learned that music brings calmness and peace to my mind, body and spirit. I learned the importance of silence and that I needed to listen more.  I gained appreciation for my freedom.  I learned coping skills to manage my emotions, the importance of sleeping and eating healthy and that I would be responsible for my actions and taking my medication once I left the hospital. I felt my Savior's love and the Holy Ghost comforting me. 

So you may ask, "How did this prepare you for Brett's death?".  I had gained some important knowledge and experience that has helped me to face my new reality.  I had already faced my fear of being hospitalized and had made the choice to take care of myself so that I wouldn't need to return.  I had the coping skills in place, support systems, medication and evidence that I could do hard things, survive and move forward.  

So many friends and family are amazed at the way I am handling Brett's passing.  They remind me that I am strong, brave and moving forward.  I am grateful for the challenges I have had in my life because they have shaped me into who I am today.  I have been able to feel peace, joy and happiness in this past year.  I  am grateful for the growth I have had and for the chance to practice my coping skills.   

Being a widow is by far the hardest thing I have experienced in my life this far.  The grieving process is exhausting and comes in waves.  I wouldn't change my circumstances because I have had incredible growth this past year.  I miss Brett with all my heart and I look forward to the day we are reunited. 

In honor of Brett, I am choosing for the next month to create four self care experiences in preparation for February 16th, the one year anniversary of Brett's passing, and journal about it here on my blog. My first self care experience relates to my physical health.  I have chosen to drink 100 ounces of water, eat a fruit and vegetable and walk for ten minutes each day for seven days and celebrate with getting a massage. 


I choose to take care of myself.  I choose to be responsible for improving my health.  I choose to live my life experiencing peace, joy, happiness, sadness, grief and the hundreds of other emotions we humans feel.  My life is good and my journey is one of growth.

I am Karalee.  I am a single, married, widow embracing my new normal.  I am a daughter of God and He loves me and I love Him.  I am loved, safe and protected by my King.

I love you.

Karalee