My name is Karalee and I am Playful

Playful 

I am embracing my inner child today.  I am playful. 

I attended a conference this weekend with my three amazing sisters.  One of the activities we participated in was choosing three words we want to become or create in ourselves.  As part of the experience, we went around the room and introduced ourselves to others.  So when I went to shake someone's hand I said, "My name is Karalee and I am safe, calm and playful".

As I repeated this exercise and continued throughout the day repeating my "I am" statements, I started to believe what I was saying. I started acting playful and then became playful in my actions.  I learned so much about myself and the power of my personal self talk. 

I also realized, after some mentoring from one of my sisters, that play doesn't have to be structured and organized.  It can be as simple as putting a section of an orange in my mouth, taking a picture and posting it on social media. 

Here's my top five favorite ways to play:

1.  Dancing and singing in the car... I love to turn up a fun song, sing and chair dance while driving down the street.  I have received some funny looks, had a few teenagers recording me (I always pose for the camera and smile) and always feel increased energy.  
2.  Taking Selfies... I love to take a selfie and then add decorations to the picture and send it to my family or post on facebook.
3. Send Emoji texts.... I love to send emoji's to my friends and family when I am texting them.  The emoji's make me laugh. 
4. Play imagination with a child.... Explore life from a child's point of view.  Get down and play with the Barbie's. 
5. LOL - Laugh Out Loud...  This is my favorite.  Laughter can change me from grumpy to semi grumpy to happy. 

 Have a playful day! 

Love, Karalee 

Just singing and playing...together!

PLAY

My self care challenge this week is to play everyday for seven days.  As you can see from the pictures above I am good at play.  I could turn an ordinary stroll down a street into fun.  I lived in the moment that day.  I felt alive.  I had a song to sing and a dance to dance.  I let the world see me. 

I married the master of play and fun.  Brett was the life of the party.  Brett told jokes that weren't funny but everyone laughed.  Brett's laugh was contagious and his songs would get stuck in your head.  I can still hear him singing, "Fried Eggs...."

I saw a movie tonight titled, "The Greatest Showman".  It's a great movie and the songs are infectious and you want to stand up and dance. There is a song called "This is me" that the cast of misfits sing. The words they sing are powerful and moving.  

"I am brave, I am bruised

I am who I'm meant to be, this is me.

Look out 'cause here I come

And I'm marching on to the beat I drum

I'm not scared to be seen

I make no apologies, this is me"

This past year has been very hard on me and my heart. Today, the wave of grief hit me like a tsunami.  I am holding tightly to a tree and fighting to hold on as the waves swirl around me.  As I hear these lyrics in my head, "I am brave, I am bruised.  I am who I'm meant to be, this is me".  I am choosing to grab hold to my Faith in Heavenly Father's plan and remember that I am His daughter.  Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and play again.  He wants me to be seen and show others where true happiness comes from.

So here I come with my bumps and bruises because I am not scared to be seen. I might be drumming to my own beat and singing my song but I make no apologies, This is ME!

I always wanted to play the DRUMS.....

Love, Karalee 

 

My Journey with Self Care 2018

January 29, 2018

My first week goal was to improve my self care in regards to my health.  I challenged myself to drink 100 oz. of water, eat a fruit and vegetable and walk for ten minutes every day for seven days.  I wasn't perfect but was able to improve my awareness of my health.  I have had some emotions bubble up to the surface as I have tried to implement new changes into my routine.  

I learned at a conference recently that our spirit will not let go of the negative energy/emotions from our past until we acknowledge the growth and learning from the struggle.  We must see the benefits from the bad and hard things we have went through in our life.  

We must accept the growth to move forward.  It was suggested that we make a list of gains/benefits from the experience to see the value.  The value is not in arriving at the end of the struggle but in the journey of growth we had while in the midst of storm.  

I am starting my list because I want to release the extra weight on my body.  I know that just writing the list won't magically cause the weight to disappear.  I believe that as I find the gratitude, growth and embrace the struggle I will find answers on what step to take next.  

Love, Karalee 

 

Peace and Preparation

Peace and Preparation

It's almost been a year since my life took a different course than the one I had planned on.  My eternal sweetheart was called home and moved through the veil to return to his Heavenly Father, Jesus and many loved ones that were there to greet him.  I am grateful that Heavenly Father through the Holy Ghost had prepared me for this moment not only in the weeks before Brett passed away but several years before. 

I had always told Brett that if he died first, I would be admitted to the psychiatric ward because I wouldn't be able to function without him.  In 2014 at Christmas time, I had a nervous breakdown and was put into the psychiatric ward for 72 hours as a protection to myself.  After 2 days of isolation because I had the flu, I choose to go back to the psychiatric floor so I could get treatment to help me manage my mental illness.  I spent nine days including Christmas in the hospital with little contact from Brett because of circumstances beyond his control.  

As I had time to reflect in the hospital I learned some valuable lessons.  I had a new perspective of what my mom went through when she had to spend time in the psychiatric ward when I was growing up.  I could feel her around me and helping me through this frightening experience.  I had to face my fear that Brett might not be able to handle my diagnosis and could choose to walk away.  I had to take ownership for the things I didn't do to take care of myself, for those that I hurt and for whatever happened when I returned home.  I had to accept that others would set up boundaries to protect themselves and their families.

I learned that I could be alone. I learned that music brings calmness and peace to my mind, body and spirit. I learned the importance of silence and that I needed to listen more.  I gained appreciation for my freedom.  I learned coping skills to manage my emotions, the importance of sleeping and eating healthy and that I would be responsible for my actions and taking my medication once I left the hospital. I felt my Savior's love and the Holy Ghost comforting me. 

So you may ask, "How did this prepare you for Brett's death?".  I had gained some important knowledge and experience that has helped me to face my new reality.  I had already faced my fear of being hospitalized and had made the choice to take care of myself so that I wouldn't need to return.  I had the coping skills in place, support systems, medication and evidence that I could do hard things, survive and move forward.  

So many friends and family are amazed at the way I am handling Brett's passing.  They remind me that I am strong, brave and moving forward.  I am grateful for the challenges I have had in my life because they have shaped me into who I am today.  I have been able to feel peace, joy and happiness in this past year.  I  am grateful for the growth I have had and for the chance to practice my coping skills.   

Being a widow is by far the hardest thing I have experienced in my life this far.  The grieving process is exhausting and comes in waves.  I wouldn't change my circumstances because I have had incredible growth this past year.  I miss Brett with all my heart and I look forward to the day we are reunited. 

In honor of Brett, I am choosing for the next month to create four self care experiences in preparation for February 16th, the one year anniversary of Brett's passing, and journal about it here on my blog. My first self care experience relates to my physical health.  I have chosen to drink 100 ounces of water, eat a fruit and vegetable and walk for ten minutes each day for seven days and celebrate with getting a massage. 

I choose to take care of myself.  I choose to be responsible for improving my health.  I choose to live my life experiencing peace, joy, happiness, sadness, grief and the hundreds of other emotions we humans feel.  My life is good and my journey is one of growth.

I am Karalee.  I am a single, married, widow embracing my new normal.  I am a daughter of God and He loves me and I love Him.  I am loved, safe and protected by my King.

I love you.

Karalee
 

Where dreams come true? The power of choice

Brett and I at Disneyland 

for my 40th Birthday Celebration

I love the magic of Disneyland.  The sights, smells, laughter, music and the happy people bring a smile to my face.  Brett and I were like a couple of kids when we would go to Disneyland.  We loved to take photo's with the characters and you would see us waiting for our turn alongside all the children and their parents.  I love that Brett helped bring the kid out in me.  Brett loved to play and found joy in the simplest of things.  Brett loved to laugh and being around him when he laughed lifted your spirits up.  You couldn't help but smile even when the joke wasn't that funny or he had told it to you before.  The world got a little quieter when Brett returned to his heavenly home but I am sure the angels are enjoying having him there.

Next, Monday night October 16th it will be eight months since Brett passed through the veil and returned to a joyous reunion with family, friends and the Savior Jesus Christ.  I believe that Brett was shown the growth I would have in my life if he was willing to go home early.  I believe that Brett went willingly because he loved me so much.  I believe that Brett knew that the experience of being a widow would help me to serve others, grow closer to my Savior and apply the Atonement in my life, and allow me to accomplish my mission here on Earth

I know part of my mission here on Earth is to serve others by sharing my story. I know that part of my story really affected Brett emotionally and changed our relationship.  Brett was fearful of the experience happening again and was just starting to open up and share with me about six months before he died. We had a lot of talks, shared our emotions, cried, held each other, cried some more and were learning to communicate better.

I decided I didn't want to live my life with regrets after Brett died.  The problem with this thinking for me was I do have regrets.  I heard a woman tell a story about regret today and I want to share what I learned.  The woman was telling a story about a daughter who was sitting with her mother at the end of her life.  The daughter asked her mother if she would change anything in her life so she wouldn't feel any regret.  The mother replied, "No, I treasure my regrets because my regrets show my growth".

I am at a pivotal point in my journey on earth.  I can go into scarcity thinking and blame others, be angry, play the victim, and spiral downward and beat myself up and stay stuck.  Or I could choose to live in abundance and express gratitude, love, trust, forgive and celebrate the ways I have changed and grown.  I have a choice to make.  I am the only person that can pick up the puzzle piece and place it into my abundance picture.  No one can do that for me. 

I feel a need to write and share what I have learned from the growth experiences I have had through out my life. This blog is where I choose to write my stories and allow myself the opportunity to change the way I feel, think and talk about my life. I am picking up the puzzle piece that I have power over and taking action steps to move me into living an abundant life. 

As a daughter of God I am learning to have compassion for others that are grieving the loss of a spouse, parent or loved one. I feel empathy and love for those of us that feel depressed, experience anxiety or have spent time in a hospital learning the skills to help manage a mental illness. I am learning to forgive by asking for a portion of my Heavenly Father's love for myself and others.  I am learning that I get to choose how my story ends.

 Love, Karalee

It is safe to be me.  It is safe to be seen. I love me.
I am a daughter of God. He loves me and I am one of his precious creations.

"Ocean Therapy" - October 2010

 "We can't stop the waves but we can learn to surf"

"Life is better at the Beach"

About fifteen years ago Brett and I were seeing a marriage counselor as we tried to sort through some challenges we were facing in our lives.  My first assignment was to go and do something fun. I couldn't think of anything, so we went home.  As soon as we arrived home, I started balancing the checkbook.  It took me two days to think of a fun activity for Brett and I to do together. 

I am working on a goal right now to choose daily self care to replenish my mind, body and spirit to heal my relationship with myself.  I have a group of friends that help to encourage me on my goals and they gave me a list of ideas for self care.  At the top of their list was PLAY with the idea to schedule time for play. As you read above, this has not come naturally to me in the past. 

One of my favorite places to play is at the beach!  I love to feel the sand in between my toes and hear the water as it crashes around me feet.  I love to build sandcastles and look for sea shells.  I love to feel the warm sun on my face and watch the waves rise and fall.  Some of my happiest memories with Brett have been at the beach.  

This past week on September 28th I played on the beach for my daily self care.. My sister went to California with me to attend my nieces wedding and I booked a hotel right on the beach.  We arrived around 7:30 pm and the sun was setting but I was determined to play on the beach.  Laralynn and I put on our water shoes and started down the stairs to the beach.  We made the trek to the ocean and stood as the waves crashed against the sand and moved over our feet. 

We started taking pictures of each others feet to document our "ocean therapy". We laughed and "played" in the moment.  When we decide to head back to the boardwalk it was dark outside. We used my phone's flashlight to light the way back as we tried not to fall.  The journey was not easy and we were grateful it was dark outside as we fumbled our way back. We were able to avoid the rocks, seaweed and other obstacles in our way.  

Afterwards, we sat on a bench overlooking the ocean and beach.  We laughed, talked and posted pictures for family and friends to see. I felt young, alive and at peace.

As I reflect back to the day fifteen years ago when our counselor gave me the assignment to have fun. It was a hard assignment.  I was overwhelmed with so much sadness, grief, anger and negative thoughts that my mind and heart were not open to changing or having fun. 

I want to heal my mind, body, spirit and heart.  I know that daily self care is essential to my ability to find peace, joy and happiness in the chaos of my life.  I must rest, relax and replenish each day.  I must schedule time to play and have fun. I choose to change. I choose to "surf" the waves of life and get back up each time I fall.  I choose to think differently.  I choose to remember to PLAY!  

Love, Karalee

 

 

 

 

Creating a vision board with a new perspective...

Looking out my window today this is what I see.

A new perspective.

It's been a little over a month since Brett got called on a new assignment.

Our vision for the short term future had to be adjusted and changed but I felt peace, loved and ready to face this new adventure.  I am strong, capable and a daughter of God and I knew I would never be alone even while Brett was off serving. I knew this was part of the vision for our long term future. 

Then I started feeling lonely, sad and I cried.  I had so many unfinished projects that Brett was going to teach me how to finish.  The chaos and clutter were overtaking my living space.  I knew that others would be willing to assist me and when I asked they were quick to respond with offers to come and help me finish.  The problem was that my vision was covered and I could only see through a tiny hole and it looked dark and scary. 

I knew that I needed to clean off my glasses and look at the chaos and clutter differently so I packed a suitcase.  The suitcase had all the necessary tools I would need to change my vision.  I packed notebooks (black and colored), pens, my laptop, a shredder, some clothes, my wallet and my phone.  It took me awhile to make a decision on where to go.  A hotel kept popping up on my phone when I was trying to pick a place to stay. It was like the hotel whispered, "PICK ME"!  I kept looking because I didn't want to chose the wrong place.

I was recently taught by a mentor about making decisions.  Sometimes the decision is between good vs good.  We have to make a choice, weigh the tradeoff and then move forward.  So I decided to head north to the hotel that had kept popping up on my phone.  The hotel was in a place I had never been before and I had to trust the GPS to get me there.  I had to be BRAVE and move forward. 

When I arrived and checked into my room I felt at peace. I looked out the window then turned back to look at the bed. My mind returned to a story I had recorded on Brett's phone in January as if it were December 31, 2017.  I described in detail the changes that we made in our bedroom.  I listened to this story before I went to bed at night and could see it clearly in my mind.  When Brett got called to his new assignment I gave up on this dream.

As I looked at the bedroom layout at the hotel I saw some of the items from the story I created in January.  I felt my heart and mind open to creating a new story.  I will include the colors, nightstand and purple pillow from the old story and add some more feminine touches to make it my story. 

I am going to unpack my suitcase and get busy creating my new perspective by releasing and shredding my old stories that don't serve me anymore.  I will heed some great counsel I received a few years ago.  It is important to Rest, Relax and Replenish and keep moving forward.

Love, Karalee

I love myself unconditionally right now

June 16, 2015

Today I love myself unconditionally right now as I am today.  I love my body as it is today.  I am well over 400 lbs and I love this body that God created for me.  

I met with a new trainer today.  Her name is Deb. She is a professional body builder.  
It took a great amount of courage to walk back in the gym today.  Deb was late for our appointment and I stood near the front desk feeling invisible at 400 plus pounds as five male trainers stood waiting for their clients.   I had already felt nauseous and dry heaved in the locker room.  I kept asking myself, "what are you doing?"

I had prayed asking God for the courage to show up and so that's what I did.  We sat down at the beginning of our appointment and I told her I was scared.  I didn't know if I could do this again.  I was afraid of failing.  After she listened we got up and walked around the gym about three times and then sat down.  I was breathing pretty heavy but i felt good.  We talked some more and set goals and then walked around two more times before my session was over.  

I committed to:

1. Walk ten to 15 minutes a day (three times a day)
2. Keep a food diary on Myfitnesspal.com
3. Give up pastries for the week.
4. Look in the mirror and say, "I love myself unconditionally right now".  

If I wish to continue training with her I need someone to invest in me and my health.  I need $1800.00 or $150.00/per month.    I am open to receiving the help I need.   I want a chance to prove to myself that I can succeed.

I ALREADY KNOW

WHAT GIVING UP

FEELS LIKE.

I WANT TO SEE 

WHAT HAPPENS

IF I DON'T.

-NEILA REY

Love, Karalee 

Winter Walking

February 6, 2014

So I am making progress at the gym even though I think my personal trainer likes to torture me with things I think are impossible.  Of course I have been able to do a part of each new workout he has given me.  So I guess the word impossible actually means I'M POSSIBLE.  

I love walking outdoors.  I don't know if you do but nothing clears my head, centers me or helps me put things in perspective like a walk.  I didn't appreciate this until last summer when I started walking up near Little Cottonwood canyon.  There is a beautiful neighborhood with hills that I used to walk at each morning.  It's far enough away from the main roads that you can actually hear the wind whistle in the trees, the birds chirping, silence and watch the beautiful Utah sunrises.  Awe the days of summer....They will be here soon.

But right now in my world it's winter.  There is snow, ice, 22 degrees or below at 5:00 am in the morning but I am getting sick of the treadmill at the gym so I decided to brave the cold and ice and walk outside this morning.  I bundled up with two coats, my cell phone and keys.  I told Brett to call me when he was ready to leave for work and I would tell him where I was at so he could pick me up.   Well, I walked 2 miles in 45 minutes.  I was surprised that I felt so good I could have walked longer.  I was able to almost keep the pace I do on the treadmill.  It amazes me that in a little over a year my life has changed so drastically.  So tomorrow I am going to go again and maybe one of these days I can do 3 miles before Brett catches up to me.  .     . 

See you on the Sidewalk....

Karalee 

#I want warm weather now!
Do you ever have those days in the middle of winter
where it warms up to 40 degrees and you walk outside without your jacket
 and you feel like your in a tropical heat wave?

OK...Maybe not a tropical heat wave but it feels
nice to see the sunshine and feel it's warmth on your face.  

I had one of those days today.... 

It started out cold and I wanted to go for a walk before my iron infusion.  I walked around the IHC hospital campus.  It felt good to be off the treadmill and just be able to walk from point A to point B.  

I was bundled up in the 22 degree weather but my heart was pumping and then.......

I found the parking garage stairs.  Oh my, I couldn't get there fast enough.  I ran up and down the four flights and it was like my body was coming out of hibernation.  My body felt alive.  I was amazed that I could still run up and down them especially with the way my winter has went so far (macadamia nut hangovers, etc.). 

I felt strong!  It's amazing that just one year ago yesterday I couldn't walk from my bedroom to my kitchen without sitting down to rest.  I have come so far.  My journey isn't done but I am on my way.  

So I went outside for lunch to just bask in the 40 degree sunshine.  There were others outside and we all smiled at each other because we knew we felt the same amazing feelings.

Then after my workout at the gym (weight lifting stuff) I decided to walk home from the gym.  I was able to walk 1.5 miles before it got too dark and cold and my husband picked me up.  

I had him measure the distance from the gym to our home.  It's only 2.6 miles.  So on Saturday if we aren't covered in winter snow I am going to walk down to the gym for my workout and maybe even walk home.  

 It feels good to be alive, healthier and stronger.  

My dear friend Michelle started a group on facebook called "Marathon a Month".  I have been keeping track each day since January 1st.  I only have 2.34 miles left and I will have walked a marathon this month.

What are you doing to jump start your year?

 I would love to hear what you are doing.

If you want an invite to the "Marathon a Month" group.

Send me your email address at kostmac@hotmail.com

Starting Again...

I love January because it's the start of a new year.. It's like the calendar says forget about what happened over the holidays and lets try this again.  We set new years resolutions.and start again to fix all the character flaws we see in ourselves.  Some of us set resolutions to eat better, exercise more, lose those 10 lbs we gained eating the holiday treats, de-clutter our houses, pay off our debts and the list could go on and on.  

Last January instead of quitting after two weeks I continued to work on myself all year.  I stumbled, quit for short periods of time and got back up.  I not only changed my physical body but I made big steps into taking back control of my life and I am a different person today.  I am so grateful to all the people who helped me, cheered me on, listened and started their own journeys and shared their experiences with me.  

I think I love hearing other peoples stories the most.  It helps me to know that others go through similar experiences as me. It helps me keep going when I want to give up.  

I am so grateful for my biggest cheerleader...Brett.  He's my amazing husband.  He's always bragging about me wherever we go.  He loves to share my story and how it's changed my life and also his.  This year for Christmas Brett and I gave each other an amazing gift.  We bought a 3 year membership to Gold's gym for both of us.  It's helped me to start again and also Brett on trying to get healthier for the rest of our lives.  
I get to work with a personal trainer twice a month for a year (Thanks Brett) and I will share on my blog what I learn.  

So I give you the challenge I received from my first trainer Justin (my sisters husband).  Set some goals in these four areas: Spiritual, Physical, Emotional and Mental (Learning new things).  Make them achievable, with a time frame, write them down and share them with someone so you're accountable.  

This little challenge changed my life in 2013 and will change it again in 2014. So here's to change and the chance to start again....

Thanks for stopping by....

Karalee 

Starting over again....




 


Before & Now



           

 I am being brave in sharing these pictures and I am sure many of you will be disgusted at my morbid obesity but I want to be honest with myself of where I started and where I am now.  I am a person who needs to see things visually.
I am experiencing a minor set back right now but I have come a long way and I need to remind myself of where I don't want to be again. 

This journey "off the sidelines and into my life" is like a roller coaster.  You don't know if you are going up or coming down or what's around the next turn.  I am just holding on for dear life and trying to learn something new from each twist and turn.

I made progress yesterday.  I had a day filled with shame, which is a major food trigger for me, and I didn't stuff my feelings with the candy in the candy jar.  I felt the feelings, expressed them and found a different way to cope.  So today I start over again and try to repeat the positive things I learned yesterday.

Thanks for letting me share my journey.  It's not always pretty but it's real, honest and it's mine.

Thanks for stopping by...
 

 






 

The great chocolate macadamia nut hangover of 2013....

OK..It's time for a bit more honesty.  This is the hardest part of my weight loss journey admitting when I have fallen off the path to a healthier me and I am stuck under a boulder that's made of chocolate covered macadamia nuts, coconut ice cream, and every other sweet or salty treat I can find.

It's been this way for a few months but it got really bad once I had my first chocolate covered macadamia nut in Hawaii.  I couldn't get enough.  I ate them like I was stranded on a desert island and that was all the food that was left.  I ate a whole bag (over two lbs I think) by myself.  I would sneak eat at night (I missed a couple and they melted all over my sheets) in bed or in the office.

I keep trying to get to the bottom of why I feel the need to stuff my feelings and become numb.  I have had some experiences in the past month or so where I was brought back to my youth when I felt awkward, unloved, unaccepted by friends and family and I haven't wanted to feel those feelings.  Some of the days I just ate until I felt sick trying to push those feelings away.   Other days I felt those crappy feelings but wanted to mask the pain so I ate.

I remember one Friday night I was alone in my home office watching a movie on television and I was back to an old habit of eating the ice cream right out of the carton.  I had a big spoon and I was shoveling it in.  When I finally stopped I had eaten the remaining ice cream in the carton.  It was almost half full.

So I have been committing myself everyday to try better and some day's I exercises, eat my fruits and veggies and do really well.  But other days are like this morning.  I started off great..I ate my peanut butter sandwich and carrots on my drive home from taking Brett to work.  But the binging cycle began again when I had to stop at the grocery store for hairspray.  I bought 3 Lindor truffles (they were gone before i left the parking lot) and then finished off the Doritos's and corn chips from this weekend.  I feel physically sick now.  It's going to be a long day. It's like the chocolate macadamia nut hangover all over again....

I have decided that changing your life is hard.  I am reading a book about loving your body right now.  The author has worked with anorexics, bulimics and others with food addictions overcome the problems and retrain your brain.  I think that's the hardest part of this journey for me.  It's so easy to slip back into old habits of unhealthy eating, making excuses on why you can't fit exercise into your life and on and on.

So this is where I am at.  I am stuck under my boulder.  I haven't written much because it's painful to admit that you are failing and using your old coping mechanisms to shove these feelings back down.  Each day or even hour is a time to start again.  So I am going to eat my apple for lunch and go for a walk on this cool winter day to do something positive for my health.  I may be stuck in a rut but I am not defeated.  I will learn to love this body and take care of it.  That includes my brain and retraining it to think a better thought.

Thanks for stopping by...

Karalee  

The turkey flap....

The turkey flap...

A couple of months ago I was sitting with my nephew Sam who is three.
We were talking about muscles and weight lifting.
 He used to watch his brother Tyler lift weights.
  He asked to see my muscles so I flexed like in the picture.
  He thought it was all muscles (ha ha ha).
  I moved my arms and the bottoms flapped like a turkeys wings.
He wanted to touch them so I said it was ok.
 He touched them and said, "They are not like Tyler's".
  I told him,"I know I need to start lifting weights like Tyler did".  

So this is the stuff the weight loss shows don't talk about..
All the excess skin you have leftover after having a  big weight loss.
   I have some work to do to tone up the arms.
  I know I will probably always have some of the excess skin because
 I stretched it to the limit as I gained weight over the years.

   So does anybody have any helpful hints to tone this part of the arms? or a good trainer that could help me?

Don't quit

Don't Quit

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
And you feel like the biggest failure in town.
When you want to give up just because you gave in,
and forget all about being healthy and thin.
So What! You went over your points a bit,
It's your next move that counts...So don't you quit!
It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change.
It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now.
You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow."
It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace,
If you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler's, when loosing their grip,
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip.
And learn too late when the damage is done,
that the race wasn't over...they still could have won.
Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
but facing each challenge will help you grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,
If you bite it, you write it....But don't you quit!
- Author Unknown

 

Climb the Mountain & Imagine

Climb The Mountain

I tried to climb the mountain today. As I inched my way up the path, I felt out of breath and had to turn back.
I tried to climb the mountain today. But, It was so hot outside, I thought I had better stay in my nice air-conditioned house and rest up for tomorrow's attempt.
I tried to climb the mountain today. On my journey, darkness started to fall and I was full of fear, so I had to return to a safe place.
I was ready to climb the mountain today. But I had so may other things to do, so instead of climbing the mountain I took care of the much more important tasks; I washed my car, mowed the grass and watched the big game. Today the mountain will have to wait.
I was going to climb the mountain today. But as I stared at the mountain in all it's majestic beauty, I knew I had no chance of making it to the top, so I figured why even begin trying.
I had forgotten about climbing the mountain today, until an old friend came by and asked what I was up to lately. I told him about all my plans to climb that mountain someday. I went on and on about how I was going to accomplish the task.
He stopped me and said, "I just got back from climbing that mountain. for the longest time I told myself I was going to try to climb it but never made any progress."
"I almost let the dream of making it to the top die. I came up with every excuse of why I could not make it up the mountain, but never once did I give myself a reason why I could. One day as I stared at the mountain and pondered, I realized that if I didn't make an attempt at this dream all my dreams would eventually die."
" The next morning, I started my climb. It was not easy, and at times I wanted to quit. But no matter what I faced, I placed one foot in front of the other, keeping a steady pace. When the wind tried to blow me over the edge, I kept walking. When the voices inside my head screamed, stop! I focused on my goal, never letting it out of sight. I kept moving forward. I could not quit because I knew I had come too far to stop now. Time and time again, I reassured myself that I was going to finish this journey. I struggled mightily to make it to the top, but I CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN."
"I have to be going," my friend said. "Tomorrow is a new day to accomplish more dreams. By the way what are you going to do tomorrow?"
I looked at him, with intensity and confidence in my eyes, and said, "I HAVE A MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB."Author Unkown


AND IMAGINE
Recall the things that have held you back. And imagine how you now
can get beyond them.
Think of the problems that have frustrated you so. And imagine how
you can now rise above them.
Look at how far you've come. And imagine how far you can now go.
Think of all that you've learned. And imagine what you can now do
with that knowledge.
Consider all you've done in the past year. And imagine what you'll
now be able to do.
You're now in a better position than ever to imagine the very best.
And what you can imagine will lead to what you can be.
-- Ralph Marston

Discouragement....

Discouragement
  "If you've invested enough effort and energy to get discouraged, you're well on your way to success. Discouragement is a certain weigh station on the road to any worthwhile achievement.
   If you know and care enough to be discouraged, you've made considerable progress. Learn what the discouragement has to teach you and then continue moving forward. It may seem as though you'll never make it, but in reality you're already there. Discouragement tempers and hardens you; it does not stop you.
   Reflect on your discouragement and you'll discover that it is a result of your commitment. You've already invested your time, your effort, your life. Soon, you'll reap the full reward of that investment. Let discouragement spur you on.
   Motivation is born of desire. The stronger the desire for something, the stronger the motivation.    Endeaver to keep the promises we make to ourselves... We deserve to be treated with the same love and respect that we would give to others....." (By CW on bootcamp buddies)

NAMI Walk October 5, 2013




Hangin' Loose before our walk.

It was a lot of fun to walk with 500 people

in honor of all those who suffer from a mental illness.

I walked in memory of my angel mother Karen.

She would be proud of me for making so many changes in my life

and learning to be happy no matter the circumstances.

Thank you to all those who donated to such a wonderful cause in our behalf to honor

my mom, myself, Brett's brother and all others who suffer.

My dear sweet husband Brett who has two bad knees and bulging disks in his back,

proved to me that if you put your mind to something you can accomplish it.

He walked the 3K in 49 minutes.  I am so proud of you Brett. 

You inspire me to keep going on my journey to a healthier life.

NAMI stands for National Alliance on Mental Illness

Before & After Pics

Here's the pictures I promised. 

I still have some work to do on my mental picture

 in my brain but pictures really help to remind

me that the change is real. 

Have a happy and healthy day.

I DID IT!

STARTING WEIGHT: 402.6 LBS
CURRENT WEIGHT: 299.8 LBS

TOTAL LOST: 102.8 LBS

I started on January 23, 2013 and today is September 27, 2013.

Tomorrow afternoon I will post pictures of before and after so check back if you want to see.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me, walked with me, encouraged me, picked me up when I fell down and said "I understand."

Hard work, healthier eating, and determination works for me.  

How are you changing your life today?