"Ocean Therapy" - October 2010

 "We can't stop the waves but we can learn to surf"

"Life is better at the Beach"

About fifteen years ago Brett and I were seeing a marriage counselor as we tried to sort through some challenges we were facing in our lives.  My first assignment was to go and do something fun. I couldn't think of anything, so we went home.  As soon as we arrived home, I started balancing the checkbook.  It took me two days to think of a fun activity for Brett and I to do together. 

I am working on a goal right now to choose daily self care to replenish my mind, body and spirit to heal my relationship with myself.  I have a group of friends that help to encourage me on my goals and they gave me a list of ideas for self care.  At the top of their list was PLAY with the idea to schedule time for play. As you read above, this has not come naturally to me in the past. 

One of my favorite places to play is at the beach!  I love to feel the sand in between my toes and hear the water as it crashes around me feet.  I love to build sandcastles and look for sea shells.  I love to feel the warm sun on my face and watch the waves rise and fall.  Some of my happiest memories with Brett have been at the beach.  

This past week on September 28th I played on the beach for my daily self care.. My sister went to California with me to attend my nieces wedding and I booked a hotel right on the beach.  We arrived around 7:30 pm and the sun was setting but I was determined to play on the beach.  Laralynn and I put on our water shoes and started down the stairs to the beach.  We made the trek to the ocean and stood as the waves crashed against the sand and moved over our feet. 

We started taking pictures of each others feet to document our "ocean therapy". We laughed and "played" in the moment.  When we decide to head back to the boardwalk it was dark outside. We used my phone's flashlight to light the way back as we tried not to fall.  The journey was not easy and we were grateful it was dark outside as we fumbled our way back. We were able to avoid the rocks, seaweed and other obstacles in our way.  

Afterwards, we sat on a bench overlooking the ocean and beach.  We laughed, talked and posted pictures for family and friends to see. I felt young, alive and at peace.

As I reflect back to the day fifteen years ago when our counselor gave me the assignment to have fun. It was a hard assignment.  I was overwhelmed with so much sadness, grief, anger and negative thoughts that my mind and heart were not open to changing or having fun. 

I want to heal my mind, body, spirit and heart.  I know that daily self care is essential to my ability to find peace, joy and happiness in the chaos of my life.  I must rest, relax and replenish each day.  I must schedule time to play and have fun. I choose to change. I choose to "surf" the waves of life and get back up each time I fall.  I choose to think differently.  I choose to remember to PLAY!  

Love, Karalee

 

 

 

 

Creating a vision board with a new perspective...

Looking out my window today this is what I see.

A new perspective.

It's been a little over a month since Brett got called on a new assignment.

Our vision for the short term future had to be adjusted and changed but I felt peace, loved and ready to face this new adventure.  I am strong, capable and a daughter of God and I knew I would never be alone even while Brett was off serving. I knew this was part of the vision for our long term future. 

Then I started feeling lonely, sad and I cried.  I had so many unfinished projects that Brett was going to teach me how to finish.  The chaos and clutter were overtaking my living space.  I knew that others would be willing to assist me and when I asked they were quick to respond with offers to come and help me finish.  The problem was that my vision was covered and I could only see through a tiny hole and it looked dark and scary. 

I knew that I needed to clean off my glasses and look at the chaos and clutter differently so I packed a suitcase.  The suitcase had all the necessary tools I would need to change my vision.  I packed notebooks (black and colored), pens, my laptop, a shredder, some clothes, my wallet and my phone.  It took me awhile to make a decision on where to go.  A hotel kept popping up on my phone when I was trying to pick a place to stay. It was like the hotel whispered, "PICK ME"!  I kept looking because I didn't want to chose the wrong place.

I was recently taught by a mentor about making decisions.  Sometimes the decision is between good vs good.  We have to make a choice, weigh the tradeoff and then move forward.  So I decided to head north to the hotel that had kept popping up on my phone.  The hotel was in a place I had never been before and I had to trust the GPS to get me there.  I had to be BRAVE and move forward. 

When I arrived and checked into my room I felt at peace. I looked out the window then turned back to look at the bed. My mind returned to a story I had recorded on Brett's phone in January as if it were December 31, 2017.  I described in detail the changes that we made in our bedroom.  I listened to this story before I went to bed at night and could see it clearly in my mind.  When Brett got called to his new assignment I gave up on this dream.

As I looked at the bedroom layout at the hotel I saw some of the items from the story I created in January.  I felt my heart and mind open to creating a new story.  I will include the colors, nightstand and purple pillow from the old story and add some more feminine touches to make it my story. 

I am going to unpack my suitcase and get busy creating my new perspective by releasing and shredding my old stories that don't serve me anymore.  I will heed some great counsel I received a few years ago.  It is important to Rest, Relax and Replenish and keep moving forward.

Love, Karalee

I love myself unconditionally right now

June 16, 2015

Today I love myself unconditionally right now as I am today.  I love my body as it is today.  I am well over 400 lbs and I love this body that God created for me.  

I met with a new trainer today.  Her name is Deb. She is a professional body builder.  
It took a great amount of courage to walk back in the gym today.  Deb was late for our appointment and I stood near the front desk feeling invisible at 400 plus pounds as five male trainers stood waiting for their clients.   I had already felt nauseous and dry heaved in the locker room.  I kept asking myself, "what are you doing?"

I had prayed asking God for the courage to show up and so that's what I did.  We sat down at the beginning of our appointment and I told her I was scared.  I didn't know if I could do this again.  I was afraid of failing.  After she listened we got up and walked around the gym about three times and then sat down.  I was breathing pretty heavy but i felt good.  We talked some more and set goals and then walked around two more times before my session was over.  

I committed to:

1. Walk ten to 15 minutes a day (three times a day)
2. Keep a food diary on Myfitnesspal.com
3. Give up pastries for the week.
4. Look in the mirror and say, "I love myself unconditionally right now".  

If I wish to continue training with her I need someone to invest in me and my health.  I need $1800.00 or $150.00/per month.    I am open to receiving the help I need.   I want a chance to prove to myself that I can succeed.

I ALREADY KNOW

WHAT GIVING UP

FEELS LIKE.

I WANT TO SEE 

WHAT HAPPENS

IF I DON'T.

-NEILA REY

Love, Karalee