Fixing What's Broken Is So...

HARD!

I no longer look like this person in the picture above.  I have lost 93.2 lbs.  The problem is I am still me on the inside.  I still haven't mastered my relationship with food and how I use it to soothe, comfort and stuff feelings I don't want to feel.  

Today I went to weigh-in and I had lost 2.4 lbs.  On a normal weigh-in day I would have been ecstatic about this number.  I have a specific goal I want to reach by the first of October.  I was so sad that I hadn't lost more that I went back to my old habits.  I ate almost half of 1.75 quarts of sherbet, a plate of nachos, and one cup of chocolate chip cookie dough.  I let the disappointment of not meeting my weight loss goal take over my thinking.  I went right back to my old habits.

So how do I fix what's broken?  How do I learn to deal with my emotions without using food as my way to cope?  I am not sure yet but the first step is recognizing my behavior and being honest about it.  So I am telling all of you that losing weight, changing your thought process and breaking an addiction to food is HARD!  

I am not giving up.  I just need to figure out a way to smash this boulder in my path and learn a new way to deal with disappointment.  I read a great blog post on http://losinglaurensway.wordpress.com/ called Freedom in Truth.  It's a powerful post about finding freedom in telling the truth about our journey to becoming healthy.  Each day is a new fight.  I have to make the decision each day to love myself enough to take responsibility for myself and my health.  

The truth shall set me free.  Today I learned that failure is a part of my journey.  The important thing is I am not going to let this keep me down.  Tomorrow is a new day and I will begin again a little wiser, a little tougher and with a few more battle scars.  Fixing what's broken is HARD but nothing is impossible.  So I am picking up my sledgehammer (my pen) and going to see if I can figure how to break my boulder.