Keeping It Real

A little more honesty coming your way.

I remember as a child sneaking food.  I thought I was fooling my parents by taking the slices of bread in the middle of the loaf and not the ends.  I would take 4 or 5 slices of bread, spread margarine on them and then sprinkle them with sugar.  I would do this in the middle of the night when I thought I was alone.  How did I possibly believe no one would notice?

As I got older I would take the change from my dad's work pants and go to the Polar King and buy as much penny candy as I could afford.  I loved the little red fishes and I would hardly make it home before I had eaten the large bag of candy.  When I started babysitting I would hurry to get the kids to bed at night so I could rummage through the house and eat.  I would just take one of whatever I found so the family might not notice what I had taken. 

This behavior continued well into my adult years.  I would stop at a fast food place, sometimes two different places so I could get all my favorites then I would go to a park or somewhere I could be alone to eat everything I bought. 

When I started this journey back in January I thought I had mastered this behavior after a few months of success.  I had taken away the power of food.  I had learned some self mastery, or so I thought.  The last few weeks I have started sneak eating again.  This time it's at the office.  As most of you know there are a ton of treats around me.  I am often alone in the office and I began sneak eating some of the food.  I was so embarrassed that I hid the wrappers in my purse or desk and after everyone left I would put the wrappers in the garbage and take the trash out to the dumpster. 

I have used food as a coping mechanism for so long that these habits are so hard to break.  Sharing this with all of you is a way to be honest with myself and try to figure out what I am not feeling or dealing with.  I don't know if anyone can relate or if you will be disgusted with me but this what I am dealing with and trying to change so that I can be healthy on the inside and the outside.  I have to leave now to go to work.  It's a new day.  I will be honest with myself and conscientious of what I am doing.

So, here I go to face my dragon....