Saturday, April 1, 2017

Creating a vision board with a new perspective...


Looking out my window today this is what I see.

A new perspective.

It's been a little over a month since Brett got called on a new assignment.
Our vision for the short term future had to be adjusted and changed but I felt peace, loved and ready to face this new adventure.  I am strong, capable and a daughter of God and I knew I would never be alone even while Brett was off serving. I knew this was part of the vision for our long term future. 

Then I started feeling lonely, sad and I cried.  I had so many unfinished projects that Brett was going to teach me how to finish.  The chaos and clutter were overtaking my living space.  I knew that others would be willing to assist me and when I asked they were quick to respond with offers to come and help me finish.  The problem was that my vision was covered and I could only see through a tiny hole and it looked dark and scary. 

I knew that I needed to clean off my glasses and look at the chaos and clutter differently so I packed a suitcase.  The suitcase had all the necessary tools I would need to change my vision.  I packed notebooks (black and colored), pens, my laptop, a shredder, some clothes, my wallet and my phone.  It took me awhile to make a decision on where to go.  A hotel kept popping up on my phone when I was trying to pick a place to stay. It was like the hotel whispered, "PICK ME"!  I kept looking because I didn't want to chose the wrong place.

I was recently taught by a mentor about making decisions.  Sometimes the decision is between good vs good.  We have to make a choice, weigh the tradeoff and then move forward.  So I decided to head north to the hotel that had kept popping up on my phone.  The hotel was in a place I had never been before and I had to trust the GPS to get me there.  I had to be BRAVE and move forward. 

When I arrived and checked into my room I felt at peace. I looked out the window then turned back to look at the bed. My mind returned to a story I had recorded on Brett's phone in January as if it were December 31, 2017.  I described in detail the changes that we made in our bedroom.  I listened to this story before I went to bed at night and could see it clearly in my mind.  When Brett got called to his new assignment I gave up on this dream.

As I looked at the bedroom layout at the hotel I saw some of the items from the story I created in January.  I felt my heart and mind open to creating a new story.  I will include the colors, nightstand and purple pillow from the old story and add some more feminine touches to make it my story. 

I am going to unpack my suitcase and get busy creating my new perspective by releasing and shredding my old stories that don't serve me anymore.  I will heed some great counsel I received a few years ago.  It is important to Rest, Relax and Replenish and keep moving forward.

Love, Karalee

















Tuesday, June 16, 2015

I love myself unconditionally right now

June 16, 2015

Today I love myself unconditionally right now as I am today.  I love my body as it is today.  I am well over 400 lbs and I love this body that God created for me.  

I met with a new trainer today.  Her name is Deb. She is a professional body builder.  
It took a great amount of courage to walk back in the gym today.  Deb was late for our appointment and I stood near the front desk feeling invisible at 400 plus pounds as five male trainers stood waiting for their clients.   I had already felt nauseous and dry heaved in the locker room.  I kept asking myself, "what are you doing?"

I had prayed asking God for the courage to show up and so that's what I did.  We sat down at the beginning of our appointment and I told her I was scared.  I didn't know if I could do this again.  I was afraid of failing.  After she listened we got up and walked around the gym about three times and then sat down.  I was breathing pretty heavy but i felt good.  We talked some more and set goals and then walked around two more times before my session was over.  

I committed to:

1. Walk ten to 15 minutes a day (three times a day)
2. Keep a food diary on Myfitnesspal.com
3. Give up pastries for the week.
4. Look in the mirror and say, "I love myself unconditionally right now".  

If I wish to continue training with her I need someone to invest in me and my health.  I need $1800.00 or $150.00/per month.    I am open to receiving the help I need.   I want a chance to prove to myself that I can succeed.




I ALREADY KNOW
WHAT GIVING UP
FEELS LIKE.

I WANT TO SEE 
WHAT HAPPENS
IF I DON'T.

-NEILA REY



Love, Karalee 

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Winter Walking
February 6, 2014

So I am making progress at the gym even though I think my personal trainer likes to torture me with things I think are impossible.  Of course I have been able to do a part of each new workout he has given me.  So I guess the word impossible actually means I'M POSSIBLE.  

I love walking outdoors.  I don't know if you do but nothing clears my head, centers me or helps me put things in perspective like a walk.  I didn't appreciate this until last summer when I started walking up near Little Cottonwood canyon.  There is a beautiful neighborhood with hills that I used to walk at each morning.  It's far enough away from the main roads that you can actually hear the wind whistle in the trees, the birds chirping, silence and watch the beautiful Utah sunrises.  Awe the days of summer....They will be here soon.

But right now in my world it's winter.  There is snow, ice, 22 degrees or below at 5:00 am in the morning but I am getting sick of the treadmill at the gym so I decided to brave the cold and ice and walk outside this morning.  I bundled up with two coats, my cell phone and keys.  I told Brett to call me when he was ready to leave for work and I would tell him where I was at so he could pick me up.   Well, I walked 2 miles in 45 minutes.  I was surprised that I felt so good I could have walked longer.  I was able to almost keep the pace I do on the treadmill.  It amazes me that in a little over a year my life has changed so drastically.  So tomorrow I am going to go again and maybe one of these days I can do 3 miles before Brett catches up to me.  .     . 

See you on the Sidewalk....

Karalee