Today I love myself unconditionally right now as I am today. I love my body as it is today. I am well over 400 lbs and I love this body that God created for me.
I met with a new trainer today. Her name is Deb. She is a professional body builder.
It took a great amount of courage to walk back in the gym today. Deb was late for our appointment and I stood near the front desk feeling invisible at 400 plus pounds as five male trainers stood waiting for their clients. I had already felt nauseous and dry heaved in the locker room. I kept asking myself, "what are you doing?"
I had prayed asking God for the courage to show up and so that's what I did. We sat down at the beginning of our appointment and I told her I was scared. I didn't know if I could do this again. I was afraid of failing. After she listened we got up and walked around the gym about three times and then sat down. I was breathing pretty heavy but i felt good. We talked some more and set goals and then walked around two more times before my session was over.
I committed to:
1. Walk ten to 15 minutes a day (three times a day)
2. Keep a food diary on Myfitnesspal.com
3. Give up pastries for the week.
4. Look in the mirror and say, "I love myself unconditionally right now".
If I wish to continue training with her I need someone to invest in me and my health. I need $1800.00 or $150.00/per month. I am open to receiving the help I need. I want a chance to prove to myself that I can succeed.
I ALREADY KNOW
WHAT GIVING UP
I WANT TO SEE
IF I DON'T.