I love myself unconditionally right now

June 16, 2015

Today I love myself unconditionally right now as I am today.  I love my body as it is today.  I am well over 400 lbs and I love this body that God created for me.  

I met with a new trainer today.  Her name is Deb. She is a professional body builder.  
It took a great amount of courage to walk back in the gym today.  Deb was late for our appointment and I stood near the front desk feeling invisible at 400 plus pounds as five male trainers stood waiting for their clients.   I had already felt nauseous and dry heaved in the locker room.  I kept asking myself, "what are you doing?"

I had prayed asking God for the courage to show up and so that's what I did.  We sat down at the beginning of our appointment and I told her I was scared.  I didn't know if I could do this again.  I was afraid of failing.  After she listened we got up and walked around the gym about three times and then sat down.  I was breathing pretty heavy but i felt good.  We talked some more and set goals and then walked around two more times before my session was over.  

I committed to:

1. Walk ten to 15 minutes a day (three times a day)
2. Keep a food diary on Myfitnesspal.com
3. Give up pastries for the week.
4. Look in the mirror and say, "I love myself unconditionally right now".  

If I wish to continue training with her I need someone to invest in me and my health.  I need $1800.00 or $150.00/per month.    I am open to receiving the help I need.   I want a chance to prove to myself that I can succeed.

I ALREADY KNOW

WHAT GIVING UP

FEELS LIKE.

I WANT TO SEE 

WHAT HAPPENS

IF I DON'T.

-NEILA REY

Love, Karalee 

Winter Walking

February 6, 2014

So I am making progress at the gym even though I think my personal trainer likes to torture me with things I think are impossible.  Of course I have been able to do a part of each new workout he has given me.  So I guess the word impossible actually means I'M POSSIBLE.  

I love walking outdoors.  I don't know if you do but nothing clears my head, centers me or helps me put things in perspective like a walk.  I didn't appreciate this until last summer when I started walking up near Little Cottonwood canyon.  There is a beautiful neighborhood with hills that I used to walk at each morning.  It's far enough away from the main roads that you can actually hear the wind whistle in the trees, the birds chirping, silence and watch the beautiful Utah sunrises.  Awe the days of summer....They will be here soon.

But right now in my world it's winter.  There is snow, ice, 22 degrees or below at 5:00 am in the morning but I am getting sick of the treadmill at the gym so I decided to brave the cold and ice and walk outside this morning.  I bundled up with two coats, my cell phone and keys.  I told Brett to call me when he was ready to leave for work and I would tell him where I was at so he could pick me up.   Well, I walked 2 miles in 45 minutes.  I was surprised that I felt so good I could have walked longer.  I was able to almost keep the pace I do on the treadmill.  It amazes me that in a little over a year my life has changed so drastically.  So tomorrow I am going to go again and maybe one of these days I can do 3 miles before Brett catches up to me.  .     . 

See you on the Sidewalk....

Karalee 

#I want warm weather now!
Do you ever have those days in the middle of winter
where it warms up to 40 degrees and you walk outside without your jacket
 and you feel like your in a tropical heat wave?

OK...Maybe not a tropical heat wave but it feels
nice to see the sunshine and feel it's warmth on your face.  

I had one of those days today.... 

It started out cold and I wanted to go for a walk before my iron infusion.  I walked around the IHC hospital campus.  It felt good to be off the treadmill and just be able to walk from point A to point B.  

I was bundled up in the 22 degree weather but my heart was pumping and then.......

I found the parking garage stairs.  Oh my, I couldn't get there fast enough.  I ran up and down the four flights and it was like my body was coming out of hibernation.  My body felt alive.  I was amazed that I could still run up and down them especially with the way my winter has went so far (macadamia nut hangovers, etc.). 

I felt strong!  It's amazing that just one year ago yesterday I couldn't walk from my bedroom to my kitchen without sitting down to rest.  I have come so far.  My journey isn't done but I am on my way.  

So I went outside for lunch to just bask in the 40 degree sunshine.  There were others outside and we all smiled at each other because we knew we felt the same amazing feelings.

Then after my workout at the gym (weight lifting stuff) I decided to walk home from the gym.  I was able to walk 1.5 miles before it got too dark and cold and my husband picked me up.  

I had him measure the distance from the gym to our home.  It's only 2.6 miles.  So on Saturday if we aren't covered in winter snow I am going to walk down to the gym for my workout and maybe even walk home.  

 It feels good to be alive, healthier and stronger.  

My dear friend Michelle started a group on facebook called "Marathon a Month".  I have been keeping track each day since January 1st.  I only have 2.34 miles left and I will have walked a marathon this month.

What are you doing to jump start your year?

 I would love to hear what you are doing.

If you want an invite to the "Marathon a Month" group.

Send me your email address at kostmac@hotmail.com